Boris Revchoun

Dictionary for Fun

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Copyright © 2015 by Boris Revchoun.

All rights reserved.

Printed in Ukraine.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever

without written permission except in the case of brief quotations

embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Revchoun, Boris.

Dictionary for fun.

Design Oksana Rusina

Cover Design Boris Revchoun & Oksana Rusina

Design for online publication Oleh Volokhin

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A

ABANDONMENT the state or feeling of being forgotten by all. Real

abandonment is when you have an e-mail account, but you don’t receive

any letters, even from the LISTSERV.

ABHOR think of with hatred or disgust: Nature abhors a vacuum likewise

a vacuum abhors dust and other elements of nature.

ABSINTHE bitter, green alcoholic drink, strong enough to make one both

absinthe and absent-minded.

ABSOLUTELY without limitation, restriction or qualification;

completely. What we are absolutely sure about is that no one has to be

absolutely sure about anything.

ABSOLUTISM any theory holding that values, principles, etc., are

absolute and not relative, dependent, or changeable: The state of mind and

body after drinking a bottle of Absolut vodka.

ABUNDANCE quantity that is more than enough. The greatest

abundance ever known is the quantity of theories about a human society

of great abundance.

ACCESSIBILITY easiness of approach or entry: Hell has no signs

«No trespassing».

ACCURACY the quality or condition of being precise or exact. Accuracy

is the courtesy of snipers.

ACCIDENT something that happens by chance, usually unpleasant, and

usually not supposed to happen to you.

ACQUAINTANCE a person with whom one is acquainted well enough

to borrow money from him, but not well enough to lend to him.

ACROBAT a person who does clever tricks, like balancing on a rope at

a circus nearly as well as a politician on a party line.

ACT,v. to pretend you are someone other than yourself as in a play, film,

or family life.

ACTIVE being busy or lively, especially when your wife has gone far

away to visit her mother.

ADAPTATION the process when your brain starts to ignore the charms

of your wife and you have to change her for a new one.

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ADD to put something together with something else. You add two and two

to make five to be sure you are already drunk.

ADDRESS the name and number of your house and the street and town

where you live; last stronghold of your memory in its losing battle against

sclerosis.

ADMIRAL a very important officer in the navy; in restaurants he is often

taken for a door-keeper.

ADULTHOOD – is not the period of time in your life when you stop

listening to your parents’ allocutions but the moment when you begin

feeling sorry that you didn’t listen to them attentively enough when a child.

ADVANCE underpaid for unfinished.

ADVERTISING based on the science of human weaknesses practices of

persuading an audience to buy commercial products or services.

Newspaper ads increase the load on the readers’ expenses while TV

advertising increases sudden load on the city sewer.

ADVICE guidance or recommendations concerning prudent future action,

typically given by someone regarded as knowledgeable or authoritative.

The best way to achieve success is to follow the advice that we give to

others.

AFFECTION a tender feeling of fondness or liking toward another person.

The surest symptom of someone’s affection towards you is his call in a

drunken state.

AFLOAT floating on the water, or lately on oil.

AGE the approximate number of years of a woman.

AIR 1. the mixture of gases which we breathe, now mainly gas- exhaust;

2. a manner of presenting oneself that conveys an impression of a quality.

The sillier is the speech, the more confident must be its delivery.

AIRCRAFT any machine that can rise in the air and move through it,

except for those lifted by a tornado.

ALCOHOL a liquid that adds intoxicating constituent to spirituous

beverages. Alcohol can neither add something to one’s intellect, nor

deprive it of something. Alcohol can only check whether a person has any

intellect or not. Alcohol is a sort of anesthesia that allows one to endure the

operation called life.

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ALCOHOLISM an addiction to the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

The truth of alcoholism is in wine.

ALCORITHM the algorithm of drinking alcoholic beverages.

ALIMONY 1.a tax on second youth; 2. a penalty for false

compliments.

ALTERNATIVE one of two or more available options: 1.To know

nothing - to die, know all - to go crazy. 2. Better temporary difficulties in the

permanent work than permanent problems on a temporary work.

ALTRUISM a traditional virtue of doing favors for others. To get paid

for work is great, but to give it others is even better.

AMATEUR someone who plays games or takes part in something

without being paid and who wants to make everyone watch it for free.

AMBITION a strong desire to achieve something or to become a

something: It is a bad soldier who does not dream of becoming a general.

He is a bad general who doesn’t dream about the potency of a soldier.

AMORAL a person who is not afraid of the reaction of other people

towards her/his words and deeds, unless other people are amoral too.

AMULET a thing thought to give protection against something

undesirable: If in cloudy weather you take an umbrella with you it may serve

as a sure amulet from the rain predicted by all meteorological sites.

ANECDOTE a short story, often humorous or interesting.An anecdote has

the advantage over a novel: it is always read up to the end.

ANGEL a messenger from God always intercepted by the devil and

therefore never seen by anyone on Earth.

ANGEL an ideal creature usually represented in human form with wings

on its back. A husband can remain being an angel if the wife regularly

crops his wings.

ANNIVERSARY a day which is remembered each year for something

special which happened once, like a wedding or divorce. APATHY a state

of sympathy for nobody or nothing; the highest degree of confidence.

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APE if you ape someone’s behavior you imitate it: Monkeys often ape people

thus acknowledging that the latter are their more advanced descendants.

APHID aphids are very small insects, which live on plants because they

have long got addicted to plant juices.

APHORISM a short witty sentence which can entail a long sentence for its

author or teller under totalitarianism.

APPEARANCE the way someone looks like. Appearance – it’s just a

wrapper and the candy inside are of different sorts: The most dangerous

criminals are wearing suits and ties, not tattoos.

APPROPRIATENESS the state of suitability, relevance, or convenience.

To achieve appropriateness in life one needs to swap the two things: at 7am

he should want to eat, and at 1 am – to sleep. AQUARIUM a container,

usually a glass tank, where fish and other water animals are kept for people,

cats and dogs to look at.

ARCHANGEL an angel that has made a very successful career.

ARGUMENT a statement or a set of statements used by a person in trying

to convince people that his opinion about something is correct. If the

attempts to prove one’s case are unsuccessful, some debaters resort to the

help of physical arguments, which in major cases prove to be more

persuasive than the verbal ones.

ART a memory of lives for the sake of art.

ASCETICISM a hara-kiri of body for the sake of fullness of life of the

soul.

ASS an animal which has long ears. When other people behind your ass say

that you are much of an ass, and such words fall upon your ear, sure your

ears are really long.

ASSEMBLY a large group of people gathered together for a particular

purpose, for example to pass a law on restrictions on assembly, i.e. to limit

the legal right that people have to gather together.

ASTROLOGER someone who makes a fortune by means of telling the

fortunes of other people.

ASTRONAUT someone who travels in space at public expense.

ATHEIST a person with deficient experience. Atheism is well treated in

the trenches, especially during bombing. Usually people are all atheists

concerning other people’s gods.

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ATLANTIS an island that was the first to fall victim to the greenhouse

effect.

ATOM an extremely small particle of anything, too small to take it

seriously.

ATTENTION the regarding of someone which may best be instigated

and warmed up by the disregard of others.

ATTENTIVELY in a regardful manner; with attention. The surest way

to make your wife listen to you attentively is to talk in sleep.

ATTITUDE a certain mode of thinking or feeling about someone or

something. Treat yourself with love and everything else - with humor.

ATTRACT to make someone come nearer and eventually marry the

attracter.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY a favorable story of a person’s life written by

herself/himself.

AVERAGE result of adding several quantities together and dividing the

total by the number of quantities, like the average temperature of a

hospital’s patients.

AVIATOR airman who controls an aircraft under the control of a

hijacker.

AWARENESS perception of a situation or phenomenon. School kids

think that college is better, but only university students know that day care

is the best.

AX a tool that has been used for the process of chopping and decapitating.

The sharper is the ax the better it is, both for the subjects and objects of the

process.

B

BACHELOR a man who has never been married and who washes the

dishes before eating.

BANK maternity hospital for money.

BARTER if people barter goods they exchange them for other goods,

rather than selling them for money: An eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth;

tit for tat.

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BED a piece of furniture for sleeping or resting. Nothing brings people

together like a bed. If you are served coffee in bed, then most likely it is not

yours.

BELIEF confidence in the feasibility of something. Belief in miracles can

work wonders.

BENEFICIAL something that provides favor or advantage. Honest work

is beneficial, especially for your employers.

BIG BROTHER contrabass in relation to the violin. BIMETALLISM a

system allowing the unrestricted currency of two metals. Less effective

than the social system establishing the coexistence of two metallic

arrangements - Iron discipline and Golden rule.

BIRDS-OF-PARADISE ornithological species that have no stimulus to

migrate.

BIRTH the emergence of a baby from the body of the mother. We are all

born naked, wet and hungry, and nobody suspects that it is only the

beginning…

BISEKSEXUAL betwixt and between.

BLACK SHEEP – animal world dissident.

BLAH BLAH BLAH the contemporary equivalent of Hamlet’s “words,

words, words”.

BLINDFOLD cover someone’s eyes by tying a piece of cloth around the

head. Crook judges retain their jobs because Themis is still kept

blindfolded.

BLOGOSPHERE a network of interconnections. For modern dictators

road to hell is paved with the blogosphere.

BLONDE a female human, not so black as she is painted by a brunette.

BLOOD KIN a group of people united by blood bond. As a rule spouses

do not form blood kinship though the bonds of Hymen generate blood ties.

BOAST to speak out one’s innermost thoughts.

BOASTING speaking of your relatives in superlatives. Sometimes it may

be not only pleasant, but also dangerous: Boasting that your wife is better

than anyone else’s may offend other women and urge other men on

checking your statement.

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BOLD (of men) with hairless and reckless head.

BOOM a boom in something is an increase in its amount: Automobile

boom will eventually result in traffic jams.

BORE a person who in response to your words «How are you?» begins

telling you his life story in the smallest detail.

BORN starting a life ordeal.

BOSOM FRIEND a person admitted to one’s breasts, usually a lover.

BRAIN the Achilles heel of a fool. Usually brain is more susceptible to

corrosion than to wearing out.

BRAVE not running away from danger, for lack of full information about

the danger.

BRIBERY a disease of dirty hands.

BROOCH an ornament which can be pinned to clothing to cover a moth-

eaten hole.

BRUISE the slightest punishment for the words of truth. Truth is eternal

while bruises pass in a week.

BULLET a projectile for firing. In case of someone’s reputation bullets

molded from shit are more dangerous than those made out of metal.

C

CALIBER unit of measurement. The caliber of a personality is

determined by the caliber of life circumstances and problems for which

he does not care. The caliber of a dictator can be measured by the caliber

of weapons he is ready to use caring about the capture and retention of the

power.

CAMEL a big animal with a long neck and one or two humps on its back;

the heaviest smoker among animals.

CANDLE a cylinder of wax illuminant stuck into a birthday cake to

remind about the number of lived years. The more candles in a cake, the

weaker is the breathing of the hero of the occasion.

CANINE SCENT dog’s higher ability to pick up smells. People wish

they could as well feel the moments when politicians hatch up

to organize for them a dog’s life.

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CAPTIVE BREEDING the process of breeding animals in captivity. The

cases of the Chinese and some other totalitarian regimes demonstrate that

people are much more superior in fertility as compared with animals kept

in controlled environments within similar settings and often better

conditions.

CARE to provide watchful oversight or needed assistance. The more we

care for animals, the more delicious they are.

CAREER ups and downs during a person’s professional life. The higher a

person rises, the lower it can fall. Career is not made by dint of climbing a

shabby staircase. It should be in an elevator in a suitable company. Going

up, do not forget to shake hands with those who are going down. You may

probably meet again. A successful career is when the number of people you

can fire at times exceeds the number of those who can fire you.

CAREFUL cautious, attentive. The most careful driver is the one who has

forgotten his license at home.

CARYATID an ancient prototype of a modern feminist.

CAT a pet that can be loved on its terms. To get a woman’s love one has to

be smart, beautiful, rich ... or a cat.

CAUSALITY the connection between cause and effect. Sometimes howling

alarm is not due to the fact that the windows of your car are broken but rather

the windows are broken because of the howling alarm. CERBERUS the most

hospitable dog: it gladly takes everyone in and lets no one out.

CEREMONY the ritual procedure performed at grand occasions with

peculiar formal speeches and lexical stuff: The King is dead! Long live

Lady Macbeth!

CETERIS PARIBUS with other conditions being equal. Inequality best

manifests itself when other conditions remain being equal.

CHAIN REACTION the reaction of the chained dog to the approach of

strangers.

CHANCE an opportunity to make or achieve something. If someone misses

his chance and fears that it was the last one, there should be no regret

because the fate holds in store for him a lot of missed chances ahead.

CHANGE to become different or undergo alteration. Changes do

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not always mean progress, while progress always implies changes. It’s

hard to change your own opinion when everyone has already accepted it.

CHARM may be good and may be harm, may disarm as well as arm.

CHATTERBOX a boxer speaking a lot to his challenger instead of

starting to box.

CHESS once a game for two people which will soon be a game for two

computers programmed and controlled by plenty of people.

CHEW to crush or grind with your teeth, if any.

CHEW making something easier to swallow. Before swallowing an insult

one should chew it thoroughly.

CHIEF most important. If someone is appointed to a chief, he is not

actually the chief person. The true chief is the one who made that

appointment.

CHIMNEY an opening from the fireplace to the roof to let the smoke out

and Santa Clause in.

CHILDHOOD the period of life when a dog is older than you. Childhood

is like a grand booze; everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Childhood is the only time that can be called a paradise: the biggest

problem is the damage of the favorite toy.

CHILDREN human descendants, who lengthen the family line through

shortening the life of their parents. Having of children is not only joyful

but useful, especially for helping aging parents to get used to the newest

devices and gadgets.

CHIMPANZEE a very clever ape which has not succeeded in turning

into a man since Darvin’s discovery of the process.

CHOICE the act of selection when someone is facing two or more

alternatives. The lack of choice facilitates the solution.

CHOKE to find it hard to breathe because there is something in the throat

of another person, usually very expensive delicacies you can’t afford to

buy and swallow.

CHOPPER a person who is very fond of chops.

CLEAN-LIVING doing dirty things only under the pressure of extreme

circumstances, and without the sense of satisfaction or pleasure.

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CLONING the process of creating similar beings reproduced asexually:

God ‘s creation of Eve from Adam’s rib.

COMMUNISM a system in which the lion’s share goes to jackals.

COMPARISON the act or instance of estimation of similarities and

differences through comparing. Other people’s follies and our own

achievements always seem bigger.

COMPLIANCE an inclination to agree or to yield to the will, wish or

command of others. Men must not be too hasty in complying with women’s

claims lest they should kindle still bigger suspicion.

COMPOSITION The combination of certain elements within a whole.

Man is mainly made up of water, alcoholic - of firewater.

COMPROMISE concession; weakening or reduction of one’s principles,

needs or wants. If you have swallowed the hook, at least relax and eat the

bait.

CONCERNMENT a thing in which one is involved or interested. Young

are concerned about maximizing pleasure, the elderly – about the

minimization of suffering.

CONDITIONER a substance which politicians put on your heads (even

bald) to make your thoughts softer and easier to comb after brainwashing.

CONDOM flexible sleeve made of rubber to protect against unexpected

pregnancy, but not against the unexpected return of the husband.

CONFIDENCE belief in the certainty of something which comes not

because you’re always right, but because you are not afraid to be wrong.

CONFIRMATION the act of confirming something that the hearer himself

already knows very well but needs it to be verified by someone else.

CONQUEROR the conquerors are the people who have taken complete control

of somebody or something. People have long been conquering Nature, but they

must remember that conquerors always face hatred and attempts of vengeance on

the part of the conquered. CONSCIENCE an inner awareness of the rightness or

wrongness of one’s thoughts, intentions or deeds. If someone lacks conscience he

can not sell it, all the more so if he has it.

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CONSOLATION the feeling or action that can be considered a good

remedy to restore comfort in a time of suffering or disappointment:

Husband’s horns may serve the reliable means to gore the wife’s lover.

CONTRACEPTION the use of certain methods or techniques to prevent

pregnancy. The best ever known means of contraception in the history of

mankind is the word «No».

CORDIALITY warmth, heartiness, kindness. How much meanness is

done with all one’s heart!

CORNUCOPIA one of the symbols of plenty used by K.Marx to explain

the mode of production and distribution under Communism. Well and

good: when everyone has got everything that will not be the beginning of

Communism but rather the end of the world.

COUNTRY a particular territory with its own population and

government. When a government wants to gain something from the

population of the country, it addresses the nation in patriotic terms, using

such words as Homeland, Fatherland, or Motherland.

COURAGE the state or quality of dealing with danger or fear taken as

bravery by other people provided nobody except you knows how scared

you were.

COWARD someone who is afraid of cows.

CRANE a long-legged bird, resembling a machine for lifting heavy

things.

CRAZY less wise than you consider yourself.

CREAM the rich fatty part of milk or society.

CREATION THEORY – idea accepting God as the creator of man, with

the only exception: Charles Darwin evolved from apes.

CRISIS in economy the state in which recession turns into depression and

eventually results in privation for everyone. Recession is when you have

to tighten the belt; the crisis is when there are no pants to tighten your belt

on.

CRITIC a person who criticizes others pointing to the ways he would

have done the same thing has he had the potential of the ones he edifies.

CRITICISM the practice of expressing disapproval of someone or

something concerning perceived faults or mistakes: Many men are

dissatisfied with the way money is spent by their wives and/or by the

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government. The only difference is that they are not afraid to openly

criticize the government.

CROWN an artificial top piece over a broken or decayed tooth. Teeth may

ache even under gold crowns.

CRUCIFIXION the painful trial of people through nailing or binding them

to a cross. People with open arms are the easiest objects for crucifixion.

CUCKOO a very generous bird that makes presents to other birds, giving

them all its eggs.

CURIOSITY a strong desire to know or learn something, often –

everything: through peeping or eavesdropping. The most interesting things

are those that have been heard by half an ear and seen out of the corner of

an eye.

CURSE tough word or phrase for mitigating the effects of the fall. Adults

do not use curses in the presence of children, children do not curse in the

presence of adults.

CURVE a castrated circle.

CUSTOM an unwritten law observed more strictly than a statute one.

CYBERKNIFE an instrument from the arsenal of cold arms in the era of

cybercrime.

D

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW an ungrateful, unfaithful, and lazy younger female

relative of a holy woman.

DAWN the first light of day, other than electric.

DAYDREAM a series of pleasant thoughts and pictures in the mind which

are far from reality: Plans and projects that do not meet one’s financial,

mental and physical abilities are just mere daydreams.

DECEIVE to cause to believe something that is not true. Sometimes it is

easier to deceive the whole nation than to cheat one’s own spouse.

DECENCY the rare quality of a modest person to think that all other

people are always modest and decent.

DEFENDER a person who defends someone or something. Nevertheless

a staunch defender of animals accidentally falling on a

hedgehog would rather pity his ass than the hedgehog.

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DEFINITE not vague or doubtful, but clearly stated to be understood

properly. If everything was clear and understandable, life would be dull

and prosaic.

DEGREES OF COMPARISON mean greater or the greatest amounts of

a quality of something. Upon closer inspection, someone else’s better

becomes worse than something good of our own. In spite of such daily

discoveries we keep searching for the best until the end of our lives.

DEMAND an insistent and imperative request or need. Demands lose

their modesty as soon as they are being met.

DENOMINATION in theology, a certain religion pretending to be the

best provider of God.

DEPRESSION a lengthy period during which a person has the feeling of

unhappiness up to the inclination to commit suicide. If while watching a

horror movie you find yourself sympathizing with a maniac, you should

consult a psychiatrist about possible depression. DESTINY everything

that happens to a person during his life as well as in the future. Everyone

is the blacksmith of his own destiny until the latter puts him on its anvil.

DIALECTICS the theory about the ever-moving changing phenomena of

nature and society, and about the transition from quantity to quality.

According to this scientific method: 1) one can not step twice into the

same river, though he may easily dip into the same shit as many times as

necessary; 2) one more drink may ensure the transition from uncertainty

to cocksureness.

DIALOGUE conversation between two or more persons. Women’s

dialogue is usually a motley conglomeration of monologues.

DICTATE 1.say or read aloud to someone thoughts or instructions to be

written down; 2. make the other person unreservedly do as someone

wishes. Some bosses when marrying their secretaries continue to

mistakenly believe that they will keep dictating.

DICTATOR a ruler who loses power together with his life. DIFFERENCE a

point or way of seeing someone or something as different from others. What

distinguishes women from men? A woman is always able, but not always does she

want, while a man is quite opposite.

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DIFFICULTY a problem. The problem is that it’s difficult to live without

difficulties.

DILEMMA a situation in which a person faces two or more options each

of which is equally undesirable: Lots of work - no time to live, no work –

nothing to live on.

DINOSAUR a reptile of the Mesozoic era, Dinosaurs inhabited the Earth

for 135 million years. These animals were lucky to live that long inasmuch

as they died out before the appearance of humans.

DISCIPLINE to train someone by instruction and practice to obey rules or

a code of behavior, and penalizing to correct disobedience. If the wife has

started to discipline her husband, she eventually prepares him for a new

wife.

DISEASE the condition of the body when a hungry does not want to eat

even what the doctor has forbidden.

DISGRACE to lose one’s reputation or bring shame upon others through

a dishonorable action. Children often disgrace moms and dads when in

public they act the way their parents behave at home. DISHWASHER a

machine for washing dishes after they were used for meals. In fact more

often people start the machine before taking meals.

DISPOSABLE (of articles, such as razors, tableware etc.) intended to be

used once, or until no longer useful, and then thrown away. The number of

uses of disposable products is inversely proportional to one’s material

condition.

DIVERSITY the state of variation of life forms and behavior within a given

system. In human society diversity may be embodied in the fact that the

warmth of one’s heart can thaw the frozen soul of the wretched while some

others will be happy to bask by the stake you are burnt at.

DOG a four-legged animal that is kept by people, who often teach dogs to

protect men from men.

DOGMA a teaching or doctrine laid down by an authority as irrefutably

true. Dogmas are usually defeated by new dogmas.

DOG’S LIFE miserable, unhappy or needy existence. Dog’s life comes

when prices begin to bite.

DOLCE VITA a life of heedless pleasure and enjoyment: Some

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men treat it as the life when the whisky they drink is older than the women

they sleep with.

DOLLAR a piece of litmus paper for determining acid (weak) currencies.

DOVE a symbol of peace Mars has long been dreaming of having it as a

stuffed bird.

DREAM n. plan for the future that do not meet one’s financial, mental

and physical abilities.

DREAM v. think about something you’d like to happen: Young people

dream about easy life, old people – about easy death.

DRESS CODE a set of rules, written and, more often, unwritten, defining

the due kind of clothing at various institutions or in different situations. If a

decent man looks like a beggar, he has either went out of the tax inspection

office, or is just going to enter it.

DROP an act of falling. Not so scary is the drop as its abrupt end.

E

EASEL a special stand on which a painter can put Kodak to take more

precise pictures instead of tormenting himself/herself over drawing them.

EARTH an enlarged three-dimensional scale model of terrestrial globe.

EGOIST the one who loves himself more than he adores me.

ELECTION a process of electing or being elected. Usually a

political party itself chooses the electorate to be elected by.

ENABLE give someone means or opportunity to do something. If you

want to enable your kids to stand on their own feet remove them from your

neck as early as possible.

ENAMOURED persons who love themselves with the help of each other;

a couple unable to recover their sight until having spent a couple of years

in marriage.

ENCYCLOPAEDIA a book or set of books which tell you something

about everything.

ENEMA a rectal bulb syringe resembling a pear. The latter can

cause constipation while an enema is the enemy of constipation.

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ENEMY adversary, hostile opponent. The most dangerous enemies are on

the same side of the barricades.

ENOUGH as much as is needed until you need more.

ENTICE tempt or persuade someone to go somewhere or do something.

Flies are enticed by honey, men are enticed by honey words.

ENVY 1. a feeling of dissatisfaction which may be of two major kinds:

resentful longing caused by a strong desire to also have something noticed

in someone else’s possession or a craving to hear about the annihilation of

that something in case the first scenario is not feasible; 2. one of the most

potent causes of unhappiness. If you can not help but envy then envy those

who envy nobody.

EPITAPH various phrases and statements written in memory of a person

instead of the only one “Wrong way”.

EQUIPMENT various things necessary for particular purposes. The more

items of equipment a person possesses the less time he has to use each of

them.

ERR to make a mistake. To err is human, and a person uses this opportunity

frequently, gladly, and often beneficially. The biggest mistake of one’s life

is the constant fear to err.

ERRORS OF YOUTH the mistakes old people would hopelessly like to

make again.

ETIQUETTE a code of behavior: Eating etiquette envisages holding a

fork with the left hand while picking a nose with the right one.

EVERYTHING all things, the whole lot. Usually people are convinced

that they know everything about themselves. This is a naive misconception

because there are many persons who know much more about them.

EXAMINATION a thorough inspection or investigation. When disposing

of rubbish, the most important thing is not to start examining it closely.

EXCEPTION 1. the rule that awaits its time; 2. somebody or something

that is excluded from a general rule: Theory is just the limited number of

rules while practice is the field of unlimited exceptions.

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EXCUSE the replacement of an unmasked lie by a not yet disclosed one.

EXPECTATION looking forward with hope or fear to something that

may happen in the future. Women are usually in a favorable position

because the majority of them think that all men want from them is just

sex, while men are always at a loss because female expectations

concerning men are numerous and unpredictable.

EXPENSIVE dear: Dear wife.

EXPLOSIVE MIXTURE energetic fools in the service of creative

villains.

EXPERIENCE the apprehension of real facts or events through the

prism of lost illusions. When a man with money meets a man with

experience, a man with experience walks off with money and the man who

had the money goes away with experience. Experience allows a person to

make new mistakes instead of the previous ones. EXPERT a person who

has a competence in a particular area: The childless know best how to raise

children.

EXPOSITION a text or a set of texts in which some idea or theory is

discussed in detail. E.g. some book series are just a sequence of narrations

containing

the

extended

exposition

of

a

certain aphorism.

EXTRAORDINARY very unusual for ordinary people.

EXTRAPOLATION a conclusion about some hypothetical situation

reached on the basis of known facts. People are mistakenly cocksure in

their thinking about others on the assumption of what they know about

themselves.

EYE one of the two parts of your face that you sleep with. EYEBROW

a little line of hair over each eye that women usually weed out.

F

FACT a thing that everyone knows is true until its refutation. FAITHFUL

having a strong belief in particular things or persons. No matter how you train a

dog, it would still be more faithful than any handler.

19

FAKE the most sincere and beneficial form of flattery.

FALLACY a mistaken or misleading reasoning. Good always wins evil,

so everyone who wins is good.

FAME the condition and time of being popular for man of remarkable

achievements. The zenith of any fame is the beginning of inevitable fall.

The greatest talent of an artist who wants to retain his glory is to die in time.

FANCY something supposed or thought up by the mind as a compensation

of the deficit of intellect or information.

FARSIGHTED able to see objects at a distance better than those near at

hand/foot. Farsighted people watch their every step.

FEMALE HAPPINESS the situation when all of the family are at home

and asleep.

FAMILY LIFE a miraculous process of turning the pleasure of a kiss into

a duty.

FEMINIST a woman that is stern about transforming a fair sex into a

sterner one.

FINENESS the weight of the precious component within an alloy metal.

All women are pure gold, although periodical tests during the married

period of life may show the volatility of the gold fineness. FIRST coming

before all others, sometimes to one’s misfortune: The second mouse is a

more likely winner of the free cheese prize. FIRST IMPRESSION

the consideration or judgment that will never

have a second attempt. The first impression of a person is the most correct

one, for the latter does not know what she/he has to hide from you.

FLAGPOLE a pole to raise flags on. Flagpoles accept new flags with no

wonder, shame or pricks of conscience.

FLASHER a person with a compulsive desire to exhibit his genitals:

Vladimir Putin, demonstrating for the public at large his nuclear warhead

for which he received the nickname “dickhead” .

FLATTER to say excessive and frequently insincerely compliments to somebody.

If you do not know how to covertly flatter a person, begin your speech with the

words: “Of course, you are not the one who can be fooled by flattery…”

20

FLAVOR alteration or enhancement of the taste or state of something by

adding a particular ingredient. God added some silliness to mankind

likewise some bitterness to honey.

FLAVOR ENHANCERS commonly added to edible products ingredients

which enable food companies make delicacy from any shit. FLAW a mistake

in a theory, which causes it to be less effective or valid. Men have many

flaws, the greatest of which is the elaboration and belief in the theory that

people can establish a society without flaws.

FLESH the part of someone’s body cannibals like best. FLEXIBLE

capable of bending or twisting without injury. The

person who simultaneously has a flexible mind and a flexible conscience

is double dangerous because of potential injuries for other people.

FLIRTATION a specific behavior of both sexes before the sex. Female

flirting demonstrates romantic feelings while the male flirtation has

primarily a sexual interest concerning women. This difference may be

illustrated through a soccer match. Girls visit the match as fans whose

main goal is to demonstrate their attires while men – to score goals.

FLOWER the finest example or best representative. Children are the

flower of any generation while the old are its herbarium.

FLYING SAUCER (also «flying disc») the name which until the early

1950s denoted a particular type of unidentified flying object (UFO).

Nowadays the original name is thought to be obsolete though married men

claim that from time to time they still watch the phenomenon of flying

saucers.

FOOD any nutritious substance that people are constantly doomed to

think about. There will be a day - will be food for thought.

FOOL one who acts unwisely on a given occasion. Lazy fools are less

dangerous than hardworking ones. A fool is always right, and anyone who

wants to prove him wrong, is an even bigger fool.

FORBIDDEN FRUIT the fruit of good and evil. Forbidden fruit does not spoil,

but it can spoil anyone who eats it; usually abundantly grows on the branches of

government

21

FORETHOUGHT careful consideration of what will may happen in the

future. The fact that a mouse does not respond to the love of a cat means

rather the insight of the object of harassment than its frigidity.

FORGETFULNESS a momentary failure of memory, especially peculiar

to older people, who usually remember all the details of what happened to

them, but are unable to remember how many times they have told about it

the same person.

FORGIVENESS the greatest God’s mercy, taking into account the

number of human mistakes and the increasing world population.

FORK a tool used to pick up food; a cultured person in Europe is expected

to hold it in his left hand when taking a steak by the right one.

FORTUNE a means of transporting people to chance or luck which usually

lacks a spare wheel.

FREEDOM the most talked about thing in an unfree society.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH – means of detecting the number of fools in a

society.

FRIENDLINESS feeling and expression of kindness and readiness to act

for the benefit of others. Some people manage to be a generous spirit and

approximate to the friendliness to their dogs only having licked off much

spirits and gone down on all fours.

FUNNY something that is likely to cause smile, laughter or amusement;

humorous. The most pitiful person is the one who exerts himself to be funny

explaining his own joke. Exception: men with lots of money are rarely

perceived as funny.

FUSS a row of turbulent, unnecessary or useless activities. The main

function of fuss is the distraction of man from thinking about the vanity of

her/his life.

G

GENE a unit of heredity that passes genetic traits to offspring. Ordinary people

unconditionally believe in genes if their children show the traits of

extraordinariness.

22

GENERATION the people born and living at the same time, regarded as

a group. With each generation children are worse, and parents are better;

hence the deteriorating children grow up into still better and better parents.

GENIUS a person of exceptionally brilliant intellectual or creative ability:

A brilliant writer is the author whose works can be completely disassembled

into epigraphs and quotations.

GLOAT malicious contentment. The most sincere laughter is that of

gloating people.

GLOBAL WARMING imminent climate change process caused by the

fight for a place under the sun, and which can be terminated only by the

deluge.

GLOW a steady emission of light or heat without flames. In the glow of

someone else’s fame an envier may get burned.

GOAL the target of a person’s aspiration or effort. The bigger the goal

you set for yourself the greater is the chance to get it because it is just

harder to miss the mark.

GOVERNMENT a set of governing bodies or organizations of a nation,

state, or community. When the government needs something from you, it

resorts to such words as Duty and Law. When a citizen wants something

from the government, the latter reminds her/him such words as Patriotism

and Volunteering.

GRAVITATION On Earth, something that gives weight to physical

objects and moves them toward a center of attractive force. The biggest

force of gravity in the world has a pillow between 5 and 6 am.

GUESS to answer a question without knowing for sure that it is the right

answer, like economic or weather forecast.

GUEST someone you thoughtlessly invite to your house without a proper

knowledge of the possible consequences of your good will gesture

GUINEAPIG a small furry animal, the favorite pet of physiologists.

23

H

HABIT a customary or regular manner or practice; the best means to spoil

any delight.

HALF either of two equal parts of something: A half of pint of a drink. For

a drunkard a glass of drink is half empty while for his wife it is half full.

HANGOVER a headache or nausea caused by drinking too much alcohol.

The most severe hangover is in hell because a drunkard is obliged to take a

drop of hot tar for his bad head.

HAPPINESS a momentary joyful intoxication followed by a lengthy and

heavy hang-over. Happiness, divided by two, is multiplied, but one should

be prudent and selective while sharing her/his happiness with other persons

lest the latter become unhappy. It is usually the unhappiest who knows best

what happiness is. Every happiness has its toll.

HEAD the part of your body between your neck and hat. HEALING the

process of making or becoming sound or healthy again. Time is money,

wherein the latter helps healing better than the former.

HEALTH a thing cherished when we lack it and deliberately undermined

when we have it. Whatever your health, it will last until the end of life.

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE the byproduct of poor health service, poor

population, and expensive medication.

HEARING the ability to perceive sounds. The best hearing have the people

from whom you prefer to conceal your talks.

HEAVEN believed to be the place marriages are made in while nothing is

reported where divorces are made in.

HELL the holy of holies of all sinners.

HELL visa-free zone.

HELPLESSNESS the state of being unable to withstand someone’s

aggression or to act without outside help. Man is helpless as long as he has

someone to rely on.

HESITATE to pause because you are not sure what to do next: to be or not to be.

24

HILTON short for Hillary Clinton.

HINT to suggest something without actually saying it in so many words.

You might say to your wife that it is getting late as a hint that you wish her

lover to immediately get up and go home otherwise you’ll massacre him

right in your bed where you suddenly discovered him.

HISTORY the study of what has happened in the past and which will be

undoubtedly ignored or neglected in future experience. In totalitarian

societies history is the statement of what should have been in the past.

HOLY dedicated or consecrated to a religious purpose or a god. Every

devil has its holy truth.

HOMEOPATHIC means a tiny dose of drugs for treatment something:

Lie in homeopathic doses is the best medicine for preventing family

quarrels.

HONESTLY an adverb to emphasize that you are telling the truth and

that you want people to believe you. The greatest liars lie most honestly.

HONEY MOON a holiday spent together after one’s marriage. In fact it

is not much of a holiday because the couple are working in bed as hard as

bees during honey yield.

HORIZON the permanent place of rendezvous of the sky and earth.

HORN one of the hard sharp bony parts that grow out of the heads of

some animals and betrayed husbands.

HORSESHOE a shoe for a horse, normally made of a narrow band of

metal and secured to the hoof with nails. It is thought to bring good luck.

In fact, it won’t until you fasten a couple of horseshoes on your feet and

start spurring yourself for a daily toil to become a really willing horse and

to succeed in life.

HOSPITALITY the specific relationship between the guests and the

host, thought to be friendly and generous. There are two manifestations

of hospitality: «Hooray, you have come!» and

«Hooray, they will not come!»

HOUSE ARREST a judicial sanction that may undermine any engrained

domesticity.

25

HUMAN CAPITAL the sort of asset that can cause hyperinflation in case

it is cashed out.

HUMAN COMEDY a non-stop play in which man is an actor and God is

the director.

HUMAN RIGHTS principles and norms of behavior that are inherent in

all human beings, including the seven deadly sins: envy, wickedness,

avarice, gluttony, anger, lust and pride.

HURRICANE a violent storm, a tropical cyclone or a typhoon. Only after

marriage men begin to understand why hurricanes, cyclone and typhoons

are predominantly given female names.

HURRY UP to make someone do or something occur more quickly.

Usually to hurry a wife up during shopping is equivalent to hastening the

computer to load faster.

HUSBAND a two-legged male creature which is often kept as a pet. The

ideal husband is a man who believes that he has the ideal wife.

I

IDIOT a problem-free and envy-free person who is fully satisfied with

everything.

IGNORANCE lack of knowledge or information, that may be the source

of comfort or pleasure. The less a man knows the woman, the more he loves

her.

IMBALANCE an unproportional distribution of weight, causing the

inability of someone to remain upright and steady: Some people upset the

balance when having drunk less than they were going to, but more than

they were able to, cannot remain upright because of the imbalance.

IMMORTAL someone or something that is likely to exist forever.

Everybody is mortal, but not everybody is immortal.

IMMORTALITY perpetual life after death. For centuries people have

frequently been promised immortality instead of decent earthly life.

IMMORAL not conforming to accepted standards of thought and

practices. Immoral satisfaction is usually thought to be much more

superior to the moral one.

26

IMPASSE a situation in which no progress is possible for the dull and the

chance to discover new ways for the smart.

IMPERFECTION someone’s fault or weakness that urge on marrying

someone before wedding and urge on divorce after marriage.

IMPERSONATION imitation of the behavior of another person for the

purpose of fun or fraud. For a sober to pretend to be drunk is a trifle, on

the contrary - it is impossible even if the imitator is being threatened with

a rifle.

IMPROVE make better. Nothing spoils one’s life so much as the desire

to improve it.

INCOMPREHENSION the condition under which someone is unable to

understand something. Frequently incomprehension takes the form of

happy ignorance when, for instance, a person doesn’t realize that he is

stupid or even dead.

INDETERMINATE difficult to define or know exactly. Unfortunately,

one can remain a woman of indeterminate age only up to a certain age.

INDIFFERENT TO WOMEN men who do not differentiate between

the women they sleep with.

INDISPENSABLE absolutely necessary. If you want to feel yourself

indispensable to others, just borrow a lot of money from them.

INFERIORITY COMPLEX superiority complex which has not

managed to withstand the psychological test.

INFLATION a price level flood. The liquidation of its consequences takes

high price.

INTELLECT the faculty the absence of which can make such personal

qualities as perseverance, energy, enthusiasm, and initiative rather

negative or even dangerous.

INTELLIGENCE side-effect of human instinct, intuition and

experience.

INTERCONNECTION a reciprocal connection. One has only to pull a

hair from the nose and tears will surely flow from his eyes.

INTEREST money paid or received by thrift institutions for the use of money

through deposits and loans. The interest on deposits is a poor cousin of the

interest on the loan.

27

INTERNET a cyberspace net for trapping people likewise a net for

catching fish or other animals; the weapon for bloodless Conquest of

mankind.

INTERROGATION the questioning practiced by police, military, or

intelligence personnel, ranging from establishing understanding with the

interlocutor to downright torture. A thorough interrogation can make

anyone the most accommodating, unpretentious, and satisfied person. Prior

to the event the interviewee would not even suspect that there was so much

room for the ennobling development within his soul.

INTERVENE to get between for influencing a result or course of events.

To intervene in the affairs of others is easy, to get out is hard. INVENTOR

a person who is not timely informed that the discovery is impossible.

INVERTED COMMAS punctuation marks that are always used to denote

the direct speech of a Pharisee.

INVESTMENT the action or process of investing money or attention spent

for future profit within a specified period of time: The wife’s gift on her

husband’s birthday is a very profitable investment for the generous return

on which usually comes not later than on her own birthday.

IRON made of iron. When the “iron hand” begins to grab the “invisible

hand”, the economy starts limping on both legs.

IRRITATION theangry reaction of a person when the responsiveness of the

tongue is much faster than that of the brain. No one is irritating you so much

as the person you have interrupted but who goes on speaking.

ITCH a tickling feeling on your mind which makes you want to scratch your

tongue.

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J

JEALOUS feeling or showing envy of the good fortune or achievements

of someone. The happiest people are those who are jealous of their own.

JEALOUSY the suspicion of one’s own inferiority; the state or feeling

that is simultaneously the aftermath of egoistic passion and the sowing of

the next love yield. Female jealousy often implies that husbands are

always either suspiciously tired or suspiciously cheerful.

JEWEL a valuable stone often owned by a Jew.

JUDICIARY one of the branches of government. In democratic

countriesitisindependent, under dictatorships it isalsoindependent… of

law and justice.

JUMP ROPE a proven means for losing weight fast, especially when

used for whipping those who eat too much.

JUSTIFICATION the act of presenting something questionable or

improper as right or reasonable: The explanation of one’s lack of will by the

will of God, or one’s explanation of mistakes by the fact that she/he lives

for the first time.

K

KILT a short pleated skirt with a tartan pattern and masculine legs

sticking out of it.

KIND demonstrating a friendly and generous nature. Of all kind words

ever uttered about a certain person, the most valuable are the ones said in

his absence.

KISS to touch with your lips someone you love, or must love following

the marriage. The giving of a kiss has the widest range of application

unlike that of an enema or other procedures favorable to body and soul.

KNOWN famous. If your writer-colleagues know more about you than you do

about them, then you are a known writer.

29

L

LAUGH when you laugh you make a sound with your throat while smiling

and show that you are happy. One can be happy postponing his last if he

often laughs last. Still those who laugh last may grasp the worst.

LAUNDER to wash clothes, linens or money. The more dirty business, the

more money is laundered.

LAW the system of rules regulating the actions of citizens of a certain

country. The letter and spirit of the law are valid even for the illiterate and

those who are under the action of ardent spirits. Laws are usually more

thoroughly leant by those who intend to evade them. Laws are the anchors

of states, though sometimes the chains that are linked to the anchors matter

more.

LAZINESS apathy and inactivity in working or using energy. Laziness

lags so slowly that poverty soon overtakes it.

LAZY not wanting to work hard and therefore inventing various devices

for making less effort and thus increasing labor productivity. LEAP YEAR

a year with the extra 366th day mankind managed to save during the

previous 4 years, or something like the inflation of time.

LEAST the smallest in size or importance though not as a rule last.

LEATHER the skin of animals, used to better present/ protect the skin of

human beings.

LEER to smile at someone in a way that would discourage him from

smiling for a long time.

LETTER a message often sent to someone in an envelope, by mail or

handed by a messenger. The best letter is an envelope with money. LIAR

someone like a politician, economist, meteorologist, lover, etc.

LICENSE a permit from an authority to exercise a certain privilege legally:

To hold a license to produce and sell counterfeit goods.

LIE an intentionally fake statement or gossip. Lies have short legs, albeit

very strong and tireless.

LIFE the time to get prepared for death properly.

LIFE a series of man’s problems, among which the greatest one is

30

their sudden and inevitable disappearance.

LIFE stripe of human existence reminding black-and-white stripes of

zebra. Life runs as fast as a zebra, periodically kicking us painfully. Life

may be divided into two stages: first – when you lack wisdom, second –

when you lack health.

LIFEBOAT a heavy-duty boat which can serve you till the end of your

life.

LIKE find acceptable, pleasing, or satisfactory. A lie does not like the

truth, the truth does not like the lie, and both of them are liked by man.

LIMIT the point, beyond which something ends. Wisdom and erudition

have their limits, stupidity and ignorance are unlimited.

LIMIT the place where something ends, except for human wants.

LIMITED restricted in talent or range of ability. In the democratic

society the unlimited desire to limit the limited should be limited.

LIQUID anything which flows, like water or money.

LITERACY the ability to read and write which has nothing to do with

the ability to read people’s faces or read somebody like a book. LITTLE

TRICK a smart idea: The earlier you replace your natural teeth by

dentures the more will you save for the treatment of caries and other

dental diseases until the end of your life.

LLAMA a small hump-castrated camel.

LOCKSMITH a person who makes, mends and repairs locks and keys

for them. Not every locksmith can make the key for a woman’s heart.

LOGIC a method of reasoning that involves a series of statements, each

of which must be true if the statement before is true: Tell me who is who

and I will tell you who you are.

LONELINESS the bad after-effect of candidness. Loneliness may be

good if there is someone whom you may say that loneliness is a good

thing.

LOOKING GLASS an old-fashioned word that stands for a mirror. The

less often you stand in front of a mirror the less old-fashioned you look.

LOST GENERATION the generation that is usually picked up by

radicals.

31

LOVE a strong affection of personal attachment which is frequently

emotionally compared with various states and things. Love is the triumph

of imagination over intelligence. Love is the fire, while marriage is a fire

extinguisher. Love may as well be compared with an electric discharge, and

marriage – with the electricity bill.

LOVE TRIANGLE group sex.

LUCK success or failure the responsibility for which we strive to pass on

to others. Lucky life criterion: good luck outweighs the bad luck. Besides,

good luck outweighs both health and wealth: Roasted pig on a table might

have excellent health, and very many passengers on Titanic were rich but

only few lucky ones survived.

LUST sexual desire. The older the men the wiser they are to realize that

lust is more important than wisdom.

M

MAKEUP for women it is cosmetics (e.g. lipstick or powder) which helps

them look younger in old age and older in youth; for men - unshaven beard

and moustache.

MAN an adult human male. It is assumed that he has such masculine

qualities as strength, restraint, self-control, firmness, and terseness. Some

men consider themselves men only because they are not women.

MANAGEMENT – coordination of people’s efforts to accomplish certain

goals, using carrot and stick.

MANKIND the human race divided into several races, racing towards

dismantling racial segregation.

MANNA humanitarian food dropped from an aircraft.

MANNERS how you behave towards other people, the way in which you

do things: It is good manners for men to say “Ladies first” on the threshold

of unemployment.

MARITAL HAPPINESS the condition when the wife’s desires match the

opportunities of the husband.

MARRIAGE the ceremony by which a free man and a free woman become

interdependent till the nearest divorce. The second and

subsequent marriages are a triumph of hope over life experience.

32

MARRIED LIFE the period after wedding when the young man ceases

buying flowers and begins to buy vegetables.

MARXISM a form of social alchemy which is concerned with trying to

discover ways to turn ordinary people into gold angels.

MASOCHIST a very selfish sadist.

MASTURBATION a handmade sex.

MATTRESS a large flat layer of padding. Under the crisis of the banking

system the thing under which it’s safer to keep one’s money. MEAN 1.adj.

vile, sneaky, ignoble, dishonorable; 2 .v. indicate, signify: When mean

people talk bad about us, it may mean not bad for us.

MEASURE the size, amount, or degree of something. The measure of

leniency has its bounds, intolerance is measureless.

MEDICATION a substance used for medical treatment taken by a

patient, usually on a regular basis. The knowledge of the number of types

of medication is directly proportional to the length of one’s life. Usually

medications help the manufacturers more than the patients.

MEGALOMANIA obsession with the superiority complex. Man is weak,

it may sink to megalomania.

MERIT something that deserves praise or reward. The woman you

seduced yesterday night may next morning have such a look which makes

you realize that it was rather her merit than yours.

METAMORPHOSIS change in the form of certain species: The

transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. Sometimes human beings

resemble the reverse process when a daughter in law later becomes a

mother in law.

MEMOIR a biography or biographical sketch. The shortest memoirs are

on tombstones.

MEMORY the ability of a person to remember the past information for a

certain period of time. Short memory has a long history.

MERCHANDIZING the art of persuading the buyer that he has greatly

robbed the store. Though in fact the opposite is true ...

MIDDLE FINGER the internationally universal polysemantic gesture in

all sign languages, if shown separately.

MILKING the process of getting some life-giving substance from somebody or

something by hands or special machines: The rich milk

33

the poor, governments milk the rich, the poor milk the government…

MINORITY the lesser but not the least half of the whole. The majority of

people are quite reasonable, but as a matter of fact we have to somehow

deal with the minority more often.

MIRACLE a dream that has not had the luck to come true.

MISFORTUNE bad luck. Misfortune often serves the source of humor,

while humor can be the means of mitigating misfortune.

MISMATCH a lack of correspondence; a discrepancy. From the female

point of view, men have two major drawbacks: 1. they always think about

sex, and 2. their thoughts frequently mismatch with their deeds.

MISS UNIVERSE an annual international beauty pageant. The first Miss

Universe titleholder was Eve.

MISTAKE something that serves as a criterion for truth. MODESTY the

quality of assuming the appearance of evading praises as the form of

request for the repetition of the flattery.

MOMENT OF TRUTH a lightning of verity in the permanently dark sky

of lies and hypocrisy.

MONARCHY the type of government, under which the highest position

in the country is transmitted sexually.

MONEY a medium of exchange; a unit of account; a store of value. Man

has always liked money very much and has always disliked people with

much money.

MONOPOLY the exclusive possession or total control of something. The

most dangerous one is the monopoly on truth.

MOOD how you feel in your mind. You can be in a good mood when you

are happy, or in a bad mood when your neighbor is happier than you are.

MORALITY the belief that some principles and behavior are right while

others are wrong. Fading potency usually gives itself out to be an increasing

morality.

MOSQUITO a small two-winged long-legged insect parasite. Along with the

number of serious diseases including malaria and encephalitis, the bite of the

bloodsucking female that penetrated into your apartment can also transmit

sharpened hearing and attention, as well as developed coordination, agility, and

progressing paranoia.

34

MUG a person’s physiognomy. Sassy mugs do not worry about losing

their faces.

MURPHY’S LAW the law ignored by all legal systems despite the fact

that it works in all countries.

MUSE a woman who chooses her lovers from among the most talented.

MUSHROOM any of various fungi used for feeding or watching movies.

N

NAPKIN a piece of cloth or paper, or a tie used to wipe your mouth and

fingers when you are eating.

NATIONALIZATION the process of communization of private assets

by a state. Strike while the iron is yours.

NATURE 1. the aggregate of true physical world phenomena as opposed

to human society which can be easily and brutally fooled;

2. essential features of something or somebody. The nature of

authoritarian regimes heavily depends on the nature of their rulers.

NEED something that is wanted or required; poverty or destitution. A

friend in need is a friend indeed, and the greater the need, the more

accurate the sorting of friends is.

NERVE one of the small thread-like parts of your body that carries

messages to and from the brain as quickly as e-mail.

NOBILITY the quality of a decent, fair, honorable and generous person.

Many women dream of Don Juan with the nobility of Don Quixote.

NOD when someone bends his head forward, falling asleep while others

are thinking that he agrees with them.

NOSEY wanting to know about other people much more than a lot. NOTION a

conception of a thing; mental image or belief about something. Our notions about

how things should be prevent us from enjoying the way things are. In some

countries there are no such notions as «lawless» or “forbidden”. They are simply

replaced by the notion «expensive».

35

O

OATH 1. a solemn promise to behave truthfully and faithfully in the future.

To take one’s death having one foot in the grave is the surest way of

keeping the oath; 2. a solemn promise to keep words, words, words...

OBEDIENCE doing as you are told, mainly for gold.

OBSERVE to keep an eye on something or somebody attentively. A one-

eyed man usually keeps an eye on his wife better than the two- eyed one.

OBSTACLE a thing that blocks or prevents something. For great love

there are no obstacles other than marriage ...

OLDNESS the age, when a person becomes increasingly wiser and wiser

until he needs a supervisor.

ONCE for one time only. All things are edible and drinkable. But some of

them ё only once.

OPEN-HEARTEDNESS the alleged sincerity and honesty of a person

which have not yet been detected during any surgical procedures dealing

with the open heart.

OPPONENT a rival or adversary in a contest, conflict, or dispute. Some

opponents would like to swallow those who stick in their throats.

OPPORTUNENESS a time rich with opportunity for successful

realization of something. It’s not late to learn if it’s early to forget.

OPTIMIST a person who is the first to cry «Hurrah!» and the last one

who says « All is lost!»

OUTWIT to get the better of by greater ingenuity or cunning. One can

outwit anything but truth.

OVERPOPULATION fast population growth during last two centuries.

The world is small. T.R.Malthus ©.

OVERVALUE to assign too high importance to something. Anything can be

overvalued except universal values.

36

P

PAPPARATSI type of reporters who want to sniff out the secrets of

celebrities, and above all – in their asses.

PARADISE in heaven – the abode of eternal rest and comfort; on earth –

the condition of satisfaction reached through hellish work.

PARADISE APPLE a tiny sour apple. If in Heaven everything is like a

paradise apple, one would better remain a sinner.

PARADOX statement that seems to say something opposite to common

sense or the truth, but which can contain a truth: Many people like wealth

but dislike wealthy people.

PARROT a brightly-colored bird often kept in a cage for saying things

people are pleased to hear. Some people succeed in imitating parrots.

PARTNESHIP the state of being partners: Married life: partnership for

peace.

PATENTED protected or conferred by the law the rights to make a new

invention, product, or method of doing something. It seems that God forgot

to obtain the patent to create the first two human beings, hence people took

advantage of the negligence and started making fake replicas of men.

PATIENCE the ability to calmly accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or

suffering. Marriage rests on the patience, and each spouse is sure that it is

she/he who suffers.

PEA the seed-pod of the pod fruit for testing noble origin of a person. If

the prince lying on a princess, which lies on a pea, feels the pea, then he

is a true prince.

PERCENTAGE an amount of something in each hundred. It is well

known that 20% of the people do 80% of the work. Recently, it was found

out that 80% of people figure that they are part of the 20%.

PERPETUUM MOBILE a device able to produce energy freely and

endlessly. Contrary to pseudoscientific assertions about the utopianism of

the idea, daily life has long proven its real incarnation in human passions

and desires.

PERSEVERANCE steady persistence in doing something despite

problems or setbacks in achieving success: To keep typing the wrong

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password until the computer eventually accepts it. PERSONALITY

CULT a situation in which there are sure signs of artificially encouraged

extreme public admiration for a famous person: If the first person starts

talking about himself in the third person.

PERSPICACITY the capability of a literary critic to find such key

thoughts and messages which the author of the book has never suspected

of.

PESSIMIST an optimist with the negative insider information. A male

pessimist can be visually identified by wearing both suspenders and a belt at

the same time.

PET a domestic or tamed animal like a dog or a cat. For dogs we are

masters, for cats – service personnel.

PHYSICAL TRAINING in professional sports miserable competitor of

pharmaceutical treatment.

PIT a large concealed hole in the ground used as a trap. Do not dig a pit for

anybody lest the latter should use it as a trench for retaliatory hostilities.

PLASTER a small sticky bandage used for applying to a minor wound.

The plasters are of two kinds: those that do not stick, and those that do not

tear off.

POCKET POLITICIAN a handheld politician secretly funded by the

illegal lobbyist. The experienced pocket politician is never out of pocket

because he does not shit in the pocket of his master.

POET someone who writes poems: youngsters and those who failed to

mature into adults. Genuine poet is believed to be a cross between a centaur

with Pegasus.

POLITICAL TECHNOLOGIST – a person who whitewashes and

blackens politicians.

POLITICIAN a person who is professionally and actively involved or skilled in

politics. Usually every politician poses himself as the one whose daily thoughts

are about common people, and that is absolutely true though nobody knows what

the content of those thoughts is. Usually politicians lie so sincerely that the voters

feel uneasy suspecting them of it.

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POOR lacking adequate money or mind. The people of the country that

is rich in pre-election promises are usually poor.

POOR COUSIN relatives from whom people prefer to be at a distance.

Distant rich relatives are usually closer than poor close ones.

POPPY the favorite flower of drug fiends.

POTTER someone who makes pots.

POVERTY the economic condition of a household when all its savings

are inside the refrigerator.

PRACTICE to do something often, so that you become good at it

while your practice becomes good for nothing because of unemployment

or retirement.

PRAISE the expression of warm approval or commendation for someone

or something. Those, who sing praises are often out of tune. PRAY address

a solemn request or expression of thanks for, say, getting a good pay or

escaping the lot of a prey. When hard comes to hard, pray for getting off

easy.

PREDICT estimate that something will happen in the future. The best

way to predict one’s own future is to be creating it.

PREFACE the face of a woman before using make-up.

PRE-MARRIAGE SEX the phenomenon a man approves of before the

birth of his own daughter.

PREVENT to stop something from happening, like an earthquake.

PRINCE 1. the son of a king or queen who usually wants to succeed in

succeeding his father or mother; 2. any unmarried man for an unmarried

woman over 35.

PRISON the penitential institution where people are kept for bad

behavior. The only opposite analogue is marriage, when bad behavior may

release.

PROBLEM thought to be a personal matter or situation that causes one

difficulty or needs to be dealt with. Many men think that if the wife is not

in the mood, she has a problem. In fact, it’s a husband who in this case

will usually have a problem and much trouble to overcome it.

PROGRESS a forward movement, often toward improvement or palpable

achievements. The progress in medical science is obvious:

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nowadays still more and more people do not die of diseases, they simply

suffer until the end of life.

PROMOTION an attempt to make a product popular: The advertizing

cackle made by a hen after laying an egg.

PROSE narration which unlike poetry is presented in its natural form

without any rhythmic structure. Prose of life is written in blood, sweat, and

tears.

PROSTATE second heart of men, and Lawless Heart ...

PROSTITUTION the oldest profession. It would not be one of the worst

evils had it not been confined exclusively to sex.

PRUDENCE cautiousness, discretion, circumspection, wariness:

The maximum program: maintaining a minimum.

PUBLIC OPINION the aggregate opinion that prevails among the public

at large. In mathematics, zero, raised to any power, is still zero, but in social

life the exponentiation of any stupidity is called public opinion.

PUNISH inflict a penalty or sanction on someone for real or imaginary

offense, sin, or fault. If the guilty are not punished, they will soon become

the punishers.

PUPIL a person who is both taught by a teacher and teaches his teacher.

PURE PROFIT economic profit. The dirtier the business, the more pure

profit one can get.

PURITY substance that is not changed or spoiled by admixtures (like a fly

in the ointment). Though a spoon of tar can’t spoil the barrel of shit.

PURPOSEFULNESS resoluteness in reaching goals. Having a goal,

purposeful persons often run for it. In case it is impossible to run, they go

for it. Impossible to go – they crawl towards it. If it is impossible to crawl,

they lie down in the direction of the goal.

PURSE a bag to keep money in, the size of which is in proportion to the

rate of inflation.

PYGMY a very small person who feels the beginning of rain a little bit later than

other normal adults.

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Q

QUEEN a woman who is either a direct ruler of a country, or indirect, being

the wife of a king.

QUIZ a set of questions to show a person how ignorant and miserable he is.

QUOTATION the weapon of the intellectual impotent.

R

RABBIT a small furry animal whose intimacy has been violated by

“Playboy” Magazine.

RACE a competition to see who is the fastest, for example in running,

swimming or driving. In case it is an arm race countries compete in the

fastest production and accumulation of weapons with which they can

promptly kill runners, swimmers, drivers and another participants of any

kind of competition.

RAILWAY parallel bars of metal that make a road or track for trains to run

on; at night heavy drinkers take it for a very long ladder with iron

banisters.

RAKE a horticultural implement, dangerous for stupid, careless and

forgetful persons. The best means to prevent stepping on a rake for the

second time is to haft an ax head on the other side of the handle. RASHLY

in a hasty, reckless, and foolhardy manner. Any car may last until the end

of life, if you ride quite rashly.

RATE how much you pay for something like inflation.

RATING the evaluation or assessment of something or somebody. For

example: Rating of the deceased famous writers: 5. The monument on the

grave. 4. Monument on the square of her/his native town. 3. Monument in

another city. 2. The monuments in cities of other countries. 1. The

memorial sign with a bas-relief, delivered to another planet.

REALIST a cross between an optimist and a pessimist.

REASON someone’s explanation or justification of anything, like treason.

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REASONING arguments used in thinking for forming conclusions: If

drinking alcohol is forbidden both in heaven and in hell, then drinking at

life is not much of a sin.

RECIPROCITY the practice of mutual interchange of things or feelings.

Love demands reciprocity but every demand for love may destroy

reciprocity in love.

RECOGNITION the yeast for further development.

RECONSIDERATION the approach to the understanding of something

with the intention to change a previous consideration. Once children begin

to live separately from their parents and with the budget of their own, they

begin to realize that they are not the wisest, and that their parents are not

the most stupid.

RED BOOK the book which is steadily going into red. REFLECTION

1. serious thought or consideration. A beggar always thinks how to get rich;

a rich always thinks how not to become a beggar; 2. the throwing back by

a body of light. Time will tell who really shines and who only reflects

someone else’s shine.

REFRIGERATOR an appliance for cooling and storage of food and

medication. During one’s life time the ratio of these two products within the

fridge gradually tilts in favor of medicines and drugs.

RELIEF a feeling of easing of a pain and further relaxation following

release from anxiety or distress. Fate periodically throws us a splinter in the

eye that we finally see that life is amazing indeed. REPUTATION the

beliefs or judgment of the public about someone or something. The

reputation of an honest man may help steal much more money than that of

a thief.

RESEMBLE to have much in common with someone or something

regarding appearance, qualities or features; to be like or similar to. When

your wife resembles a movie star, your children resemble you, your work

resembles a hobby, your mother-in-law does not resemble your boss, the

boss does not resemble an idiot, and your salary does not resemble a

charity, then you should resemble the happiest man in the world.

RESIST to take action in opposition to both common sense and God’s

commandment. If someone smites you on your right cheek, turn to him the other

one to put your jaw in place. Love thy neighbor?

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No problem, but what if he resists?

RESORT the use of something as a means, help, or recourse. In times of

utter loneliness even one’s mailbox spam may be taken as the last resort

of restoring of the peace of mind.

RESOURCEFULNESS ability to creatively and successfully face

problems or difficulties. A human being for its survival and procreation

has to be strong, if not strong - then fast; if not fast - then prickly; if not

prickly - then stinky.

REST a period of time for relaxing from work. Man is ready to rest 24

hours a day, if it was not necessary to sleep.

RETIREMENT the action or fact of someone’s withdrawal from job,

especially because of reaching a certain age. Under the solidarity pension

system the dream of the model citizen from the point of view of the

government: absolutely healthy and wealthy tax payer who dies on the

day of retirement.

RICH having a great amount of money and possessions. If a person

bought a skyscraper, it does not at all mean that he is rich. Maybe he has

been saving for almost three months!

RIGHT good or acceptable. If you did everything right, it does not mean

that you’ll be all right.

RIP a short epitaph for those who did not evade taxes. ROBBERY the

act of depriving someone of something. If it concerns property the action is

unlawful and directed outward. When it comes to health a person can

easily rob himself, and mainly legitimately.

ROBOT a machine capable of performing a complex series of actions

inherent in man. A robot will be able to fully replace a human being only

when it learns to lie, betray, envy, and revenge.

ROGUE a person, who violates rules or standards, but cannot do without

those who observe them, the sure winner in any fair fight or competition.

ROMANTIC a man who is none other than a banal womanizer, just a male

with a well-disguised long-term seductive strategy.

RULE part of a set of obligatory regulations or principles controlling conduct of

people within particular spheres of a society. If genius is an exception to the rule,

then down with the rules!

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S

SAINT a person too good and holy to be a human being.

SALE the judgment day for the overestimated goods.

SALT a white powder we get from the earth, sea water and anecdotes. SAND

a substance of small loose grains of disintegrated rock. The most expensive

sort of sand is in hourglasses because time is money. SAVVY sagacity or

shrewdness, especially in business: It is usually more profitable to borrow

money just before the death, and preferably that of your lender.

SEAHORSE a pretty little sea animals with no legs which saves them from

races and other ordeals, arranged by human beings.

SECRET something seemed to be known only to you or to a very few other

people. All the secret sooner or later becomes apparent, and always in

wrong time for those who want to keep the secret from others.

SELF CONFIDENCE the quality or state of being assured, peculiar to

some sort of persons like colorblind and earless.

SELF-CRITICISM uncomplimentary judgment or impression of

oneself. People would more likely criticize their own forehead wrinkles

rather than the brain gyruses. Self-criticism is frequently a form of

coquetry.

SELF-DECEPTION the act of convincing oneself of a truth that is in fact

wrong. Belief in the possibility to deceive everyone is the greatest self-

deception.

SELFIE inner face control.

SENSE OF HUMOR a capability to capture (or make) causes for

amusement. All people are divided into two categories. First, the people

who have a sense of humor. Second, the people who have a sense that they

have a sense of humor. The sure indicator of the lack of a sense of humor is

the seriousness with which the message is perceived by the man whom you

told that he had no sense of humor. The possession of the sense of humor

makes it easier to survive the lack of all the rest.

SENTENCE a number of words that make a complete thought when

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put together. They may be put together in such a mean way that can hurt

other people and deserve a punishment in quite another meaning of the

word.

SET a group of things that go together, or are usually found together. Out

of the set of three phenomena: the presence of children, the house in order,

and sanity only two of them are possible if taken simultaneously.

SEX making love for making people. Sex without love is more productive

in it than vice versa.

SEXTET group sex involving 6 people.

SHADOW ECONOMY informal/illegal sector of business activities that

cast the biggest shadow over the reputation of a country.

SIDE one half of something or someone. If you are known only from the

good side, try not to turn.

SIGN a present action or event indicating the probable occurrence of

something in the past. If on Saturday morning you are trying to phone

someone with a calculator it may be a sure sign of your yesterday’s lush

happy hour.

SILENCE complete absence of speech. Silence is gold, especially for

those who have nothing to say. Dead silence is gold of the highest fineness.

Silence may be the sign of agreement, while dead silence

- the result of disagreement. Silence may be unbearable when the payment

for it is a mere trifle. Silence is the best means of finding a common

language with the like-minded persons.

SILLINESS a ridiculous folly. With years the number of follies we

commit falls while their quality upswings.

SIMILARITY the state or fact of being analogous. The similarity of both

talented and stupid men may be seen in the fact that their defining features

manifest themselves in everything.

SINCERE not mean; meaning what you say and saying what you mean.

SINCERITY the quality of being free from imitating sincerity.

SKILL a hand-baggage of knowledge.

SKUNK a small black animal with white stripes and a bushy tail; may be

kept as a pet.

SLEEPING one of the pleasures likewise eating, moreover -

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absolutely free. People devote to sleeping 30% of life. The remaining 70%,

they dream of sleeping themselves out.

SLIPPERY you can describe someone as slippery if you think that he is

dishonest: A slippery person can hardly take himself in hand being

squeamish to foul his own hands with himself.

SMART having or exhibiting a quick-witted intelligence. Smart are

primarily those persons who usually agree with us. The smarter the person

the less number of people who can appreciate their extraordinariness.

SMELL if something smells in a particular way, it has a quality which you

become aware of through your nose: Money has no smell especially when

there is a smell of big money. Washed money has no smell.

SONG OF SONGS superhit of a megastar.

SOUL the inner immaterial part of a being thought to be immortal.

Everyone’s soul is a universe, including black holes.

SOUVENIR any thing that was gained to remind of something and that

would have never been purchased in one’s native locality.

SPANK the most common method of transmitting information from

generation to generation.

SPARE WHEEL the wheel that never squeaks.

SPEED OF SOUND the velocity of sound that travels through different

mediums. It varies depending on what sort of medium it goes through. As a

rule, sound is faster in liquids and even faster in solids. The slowest speed

of sound is observed in parents’ communications with their children. The

message of the parents’ words addressed to the kids in their teens usually

comes to the descendants only when the latter reach the age of 40+.

SPERM CELL the male gamete that has the chance to win the race and at

the finish line to become man, with no guarantee for the latter to be the first

in her/his earthly life.

SPIDER a small animal with eight legs to better catch insects. SPLIT

PERSONALITY the condition of a person which begins with the ass.

START a starting line for a race. The sprint runner in a crouched

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position should better always look back to make sure that no pole vault

contester is mistakenly running on the same track.

STINK have a strong unpleasant odor. For nosy persons someone else’s

dirty linen does not stink.

STOMACH a kind of pocket in the middle of your body for holding food

after it has been swallowed. Together with the pocket in your dress, both

pockets may be considered as communicating vessels of a person.

STRAIN compel some part of one’s body or oneself to make great efforts

in achieving a certain goal. If you do not strain the brain early, the entire

burden may then fall on your muscles.

STRATAGEM a military plan or scheme, for outwitting an enemy.

Usually inferior to feminine wiles, that inspired the army of Israel to recruit

women.

STRIP to remove all coverings from something or somebody. For a

woman it is easier to strip a man than vice versa.

STUPID foolish enough to pretend to be cleverer than she/he really is.

STUPIDITY a lack of intelligence, sort of a chronic illness, fortunately

not contagious. Though the number of followers of absurd teachings gives

reason to doubt the correctness of the assertion.

SUMMER the season of the year when the minimum amount of

clothing allows the maximum estimation of the opposite sex appearance.

SURVEILLANCE CAMERA a video camera that is used to monitor

remote objects and people. The central control room of all surveillance

cameras is at God’s headquarters.

SUSPECT to have a feeling in your mind that someone is not telling the

truth, as when you unexpectedly find your wife in your bed with a man

introduced by the wife as her body-guard. SWAN-SONG the song for

which its authors and singers have no time to receive royalties.

SWEETHEART someone who is definitely not a sourheart. SWINE

an old word for a pig. Man can become a swine much

faster than a piglet.

SYMPATHY a feeling of kindness and pity towards someone who

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is sad or ill and at the same time more poor and miserable than you are.

T

TAX a levy imposed on someone or something. The tax on stupidity has

inevitably been the oldest and highest in history.

TEDDY BEAR a toy bear given to kids for comforting them; the stuffed

thing which manages to get into girl’s bed ahead of the boy who presented

it.

TEMPTATION a strong desire to do something irrespective of its possible

irregularity or foolishness: When your mouth is watering you can afford to

spit on all inhibitions and prejudices.

THINKING the practice or process of using one’s intellect to consider or

reckon on something. In childhood we do without thinking, in youth we

first do and then think, in old age we confine ourselves to thinking due to

inability of doing.

TICKLING the act of causing laughter or twitch by touching lightly some

parts of human body; the best drug-free remedy for depression. TILL a

special drawer where a shopkeeper keeps his money till being robbed.

TIME a particular period in history. Every time has its periods of

timelessness. While we are thinking about how to kill time, time kills us.

Time is the enemy of everyone who does not know how to use it.

TODAY tomorrow’s yesterday.

TONGUE the best instrument for weaving the strongest net. TONGUE

the organ in the mouth used by people for eating and speaking. The long

tongue may shorten one’s life.

TOUCH to come into physical or non-physical (emotional) contact with

somebody or something. If you manage to touch the heart of a woman, then

she will surely allow you to touch some other parts of her body.

TOURNAMENT a series of events in a sport or game to determine who of the

competing contestants get the upper hand or a prize.

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Women prefer love tournaments while men like sex blitz tournaments. TOY

an object that can be used for play. Toys are invented by adults lest children

should prevent them from playing their own games.

TRAFFIC JAM a pileup that complicates carjacking.

TRAFFIC LIGHTS a signaling mechanism fixed at a road intersection

or pedestrian crossing; may be divided into traffic lights for vehicles and

traffic lights for pedestrians. Pedestrians while crossing roads should

better rely on keeping their eyes on vehicles rather than on traffic lights

for the latter have never hit or killed any pedestrian.

TRAGEDY something causing dreadful, catastrophic consequences and

suffering. Our own petty dramas usually overtop hundreds of others’

tragedies. Very many our tragedies stem from the desire to be happy.

TRANSFORMATION a turn or a change. The dictator’s vision is

gradually and inevitably transformed into suspicion.

TROUBLE something that causes difficulties or problems. Never mind

that there are people who, when getting drunk, become foolish, the trouble

is that there are people who do not become wiser when they sober up.

TRUTH something being in accord with reality and the knowledge of

liars. The desire to catch on lies does not necessarily mean the love of

truth. Frequently the search for the truth entails the search for the truth

seekers.

TRY an attempt or effort to accomplish something. One try - two options:

you do it or not; no try – one option.

TYRANT tormentor, oppressor. Tyrants seize power in despotic regimes, while

in democracies they come to power through free elections.

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U

UNBENDING strict and austere in one’s behavior or attitudes. The more

unbending is a dictator, the more he bends his people.

UNDERSTANDING the ability to be tolerant, forgiving, and

sympathetically aware of other people’s feelings. Among various means

conducive to mutual understanding gun ownership proved to be the most

efficient one.

UNDERTAKER a person who stipulates or covenants to perform any

work for another till he finally becomes the client of another undertaker.

UNDERWEAR clothing worn underneath outer clothes. Good underwear

is like good education: no one can see either of them, but both increase one’s

self-esteem.

UNICORN a man whose wife fooled around only once.

UNITE to relate for a common thought or action. The first and the third

wives are usually united on the ground of criticism and hatred towards the

second one.

UNPREDICTABLE not able to be foretold. Both geniuses and fools are

equally unpredictable.

UNREALISTIC impractical, romantic, unworkable. A girl who tends to

see the world through rose-colored glasses runs the risk to miss her prince

on a white horse.

UNREPEATABLE incapable of being substituted. If as a kid you did not

have a tricycle, and now you have a limo, all the same - when a child you

still did not have a tricycle!

UNSTABLY in an unstable changing manner. One should better be

unstably rich than stably poor.

UNTIL something that happens before some particular point in time. The

spouses usually live happily until they start figuring out who made whom

happier.

UNWRITTEN LAW a law people comply with the most strictly. UPPER

ATMOSPHERE the higher region of the atmosphere with which people

associate the existence of the seventh heaven where cloudless happiness is

possible.

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USELESS something considered as not satisfying the least need or futile

in achieving the intended purpose. In fact absolutely useless things do not

exist because even the most useless thing could be beneficial if you

present it as a gift.

USEFULNESS having a gainful use. The most useful animal is a swine.

From it, you can use everything - meat for food, hides for leather, bristles

for brushes, the name for the insults.

UTOPIA mentally constructed ideal society the desirability of which has

always been discredited in the process of its practical construction. Little

human passions have always been the biggest obstacles for great utopias.

V

VACATION a fixed period of the year free from attending job or studies.

The true vacation is when you buy flippers, mask for diving, and snorkel

rather than new wallpaper and paint. Besides, vacation is when in the

morning, discovering a bottle of whiskey in the refrigerator, you say to

yourself: «Why not ?!»

VARIANCE the state of being different, divergent, or inconsistent. If you

want that your words and deeds are never in variance, remain silent and

do nothing.

VEGETARIAN a person who does not eat animals, but takes away their

food.

VIABILITY the ability to maintain itself or recover its potentialities. The

viability of any living legend is verified by death.

VICTORY success achieved in a fight, campaign or competition. In the

fight against swindlers often win even bigger crooks.

VIRTUE a persons’s reputation of high moral standards. The fewer witnesses, the

greater is the virtue.

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W

WAIST the middle part of someone’s body above hips which women expect

to be narrow, but very often it becomes the bottleneck of stout women.

WAKE UP SERVICE a service similar to alarm clocks. The most reliable

providers of the service are hungry pets, especially cats.

WALLPAPER a special kind of paper put on inside wall; a favorite place

for small children to

draw

on.

WAND a magic stick candidates and nominees promise to use after their

election for doing magic tricks about improving the well-being of the

electorate.

WANT something desired for the lack or deficiency of the thing. Most

people do not know what they want, but all of them are quite sure that they

do not have it.

WATER the liquid in rivers, lakes, seas and diffuse reports.

WEAKNESS a character trait. The weaker is a person the more

weaknesses it has.

WEAPON anything used to fight with, such as a gun or a tongue.

WEATHERCOCK a creature that first knows what is in the wind and

sails with every wind.

WEDDING a marriage ceremony, including the associated preparations,

the most difficult and important component of which is the selection of the

groom.

WEIGHT a measurement that indicates how heavy or influential a person

is. To gain political weight, one has to eat a lot of crap.

WELFARE prosperity, comfort. One of the criteria of the country’s

welfare is the size of bribes.

WEST the direction in which the sun sets and poor foreigners emigrate.

WHALE the largest animal found in the sea, lately with more and more

difficulty.

WHEELER-DEALER a sort of a businessman that will advertise ropes

even in the house of the hanged man.

WHO IS WHO a directory with information about various people. Tell me who

is who, and I will tell you who you are.

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WIDEN make broader or more extensive. Alcohol widens both the blood

vessels and relations.

WINTER the best time for minimizing bruising: the ice is instantly on

the injury the moment you slip and fall down.

WISDOM important virtue. With age it usually grows. Old fools are

expected to be wiser. The greatest wisdom of the Creator is that He evenly

distributed fools among lands and nations.

WOMAN a human being that loves through ears and nags with a tongue.

The mastery of a woman is to skillfully give her harpoon for Cupid arrow.

WOMAN’S WEAKNESS a pre feminist era source of a woman’s power

over a man.

WORD a verbal key which, if correctly selected, can open any soul or

close any mouth. Words are like money: the value of words is in inverse

proportion to their quantity.

WORDINESS excessive talkativeness provoking interlocutors’ deafness.

WORK various kinds of activity undertaken to achieve a certain purpose

or result. The phrase “To work!” sounds most mellifluous and rousing

provided it is the toast.

WORST the superlative of bad. Worst of all is when it cannot get any

worse.

WORTH a fair repayment or compensation for something. If you lend

someone a thousand bucks and never meet the person, then perhaps it was

worth it.

WRINKLE wrinkles are notches that past years leave on man’s face.

WRITER a tight-fisted person who is obsessed by the idea: why buy books

when you can write them for free?

WRONG LOVE TRIANGLE a romantic relationship involving three people,

wherein she loves him while he loves another boy.

53

Y

YASHMAK a veil for concealing one’s face except the eyes.

Recommended for women who want to hide their age.

YOUNG not as old as the rest of the people of your age.

YOUTH the most turbulent, devil-may-care period in life when people

acquire most of the chronic diseases that will be carefully and reasonably

treated during their maturity and old age.

Z

ZOO a place where wild animals can feel more safe in the presence of

man.

ZUGZWANG (German for «compulsion to move») a situation in which

the obligation to make a move in one’s turn is a serious, often decisive,

disadvantage: When your wife asks you «Do you love me?» If you answer in

the negative, it will inflict a blow to your family relationship. If you answer

in the affirmative it will entail a blow to your family budget.

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Copyright © 2015 by Boris Revchoun.

All rights reserved.

Printed in Ukraine.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever

without written permission except in the case of brief quotations

embodied in critical articles and reviews.

55

Revchoun, Boris.

Dictionary for fun.

Editor Philip Roffman

Design Oksana Rusina

Cover Design Boris Revchoun & Oksana Rusina

Design for online publication Oleh Volokhin

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